Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Same friend, different message. Funny, this time.

The Food Fight--Biblical View

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said, "You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said "Yes!" and Woman said, "I'll have another with sprinkles."

And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 10.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut shrimp, butter dipped lobster chunks and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats and added copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries with that?" and Man replied, "Yes! And super size 'em!" And Satan said "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMOs.

Monday, October 27, 2003

A friend of mine sent this to me. I'm sharing. That's what this is all about, right?

SUBJECT: 50 Natural Highs

Think about them one at a time BEFORE going on to the next
one.........IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, especially the thought at the end.

1. Falling in love.

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.

3. A hot shower.

4. No lines at the supermarket

5. A special glance.

6. Getting mail

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.

8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.

9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.

11. Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.

12. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla!) (or strawberry)

13. A long distance phone call.

14. A bubble bath.

15. Giggling.

16. A good conversation.

17 The beach

18. Finding a 20 note in your coat from last winter.

19. Laughing at yourself.

20. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

21. Running through sprinklers.

22. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

23. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.

24. Laughing at an inside joke.

25. Friends.

26. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

27. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.

28. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).

29. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.

30. Playing with a new puppy.

31. Having someone play with your hair.

32. Sweet dreams.

33. Hot chocolate.

34. Road trips with friends.

35. Swinging on swings.

36. Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies
and drinking your favorite tipple.

37. Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along
without feeling stupid.

38. Going to a really good concert.

39. Making eye contact with a cute stranger

40. Winning a really competitive game.

41. Making chocolate chip cookies.

42. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.

43. Spending time with close friends.

44. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.

45. Holding hands with someone you care about.

46. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or
bad)never change

47. Riding the best roller coasters over and over.

48. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much
desired present from you.

49. Watching the sunrise.

50. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another
beautiful day.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003


Somebody is watching you. Somebody is very proud of you. Somebody is thinking of you. Somebody is caring about you. Somebody misses you. Somebody wants to talk to you. Somebody wants to be with you. Somebody hopes you are not in trouble. Somebody is thankful for the support you have provided. Somebody wants to hold your hand. Somebody hopes everything turns out all right. Somebody wants you to be happy. Somebody wants you to find him/her. Somebody wants to give you a gift. Somebody wants to hug you. Somebody thinks you ARE a gift. Somebody admires your strength. Somebody wants to protect you. Somebody can't wait to see you. Somebody loves you for who you are. Somebody treasures your spirit. Somebody is glad that you are their friend. Somebody wants to get to know you better. Somebody wants to be near you. Somebody wants you to know they are there for you. Somebody would do anything for you. Somebody wants to share their dreams with you. Somebody is alive because of you. Somebody needs your support. Somebody will cry when they read this. Somebody needs you to have faith in them. Somebody trusts you. Somebody hears a song that reminds them of you." Author Unknown

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

On Newborn Babies, and Daddy's Role

How much time Daddies take off from work depends on how much Mommie needs him. Giving birth is another beginning, actually much scarier, and if you think progesterone related incidents are frustrating now, you aint seen nothin' yet. And the worst is we KNOW we're unreasonable and we KNOW we're horrible and we KNOW you love us and we KNOW this baby will eventually learn to eat/let us sleep/stop its damn crying and we KNOW we're psychotic.....and we can't help it, can't do anything about it, and what we really want is a hug, even though we smell like spitup and babypoo, and our hair hasn't been combed in two or three days, and we need a shower so badly we can taste it. We need that hug, and for you to say something other than, "I don't know what he wants, Honey". We need you to confidently say, "Sure, Sweetheart, I can handle her. You go get a shower, take a nap for an hour or two. Junior and I will be fine," even if you're quaking in your Nikes and have no IDEA what you'll do to feed this child because Mamma's been way too tired and stressed to use that damned expensive rented breast pump, if she's even producing any milk, which neither of you is certain of right now, because the little monster acts like she's starving ALL THE TIME.

Three months should do it.